Thursday, February 3, 2011

Different Classroom Types

Posted by Princess Eva Angelica at 4:08 AM
Over the past month or so, I have started reading Daddy Can't Hear You blog and he's making a series of posts about school bullies and his experiences with them being the "different" kid.  

DCHY writes about his true life experiences and his open style of writing causes many emotional out-bursts from me (I am a Bubblin' Betty).  He expresses himself in brilliant, vivid detail and is really inspiring. 

It got me thinking about the different classroom types and what they do to obtain these labels.

The Comedian 
Everyone loves a comedian, right?  There is always one of these in every class - some good, some bad.  If you're lucky, you'll get the good kind who makes you slap your thighs with laughter and gets you in trouble for giggling uncontrollably out loud in class.  If you have no such good fortune, you'll get a guy who badly impersonates Billy Connolly and steals other comedian's one-liners and of course, asks terrible jokes of his own.  "Ever notice how Greenland is icy and Iceland is green?"  I can hear you all groaning....yeah, I know terrible, just fucking terrible.

The Girl With the Weird Name 
Ye all know this one.. first day of class, the teacher is calling roll.. and says "Z-.." and looks up with a puzzled expression, and some girl red in the face says, "Zaphrena", or something similarly ridiculous.  The Weird Name Chick is usually born to pretentious parents who did not think about how their child would suffer for their stupidity.  

The Goth 
The dude who wears the black trench coat, has jet black stringy hair, wears black lipstick and paints his fingernails black. You'd think he wants to be black, but really he just wants to be dead!  Bless Him!

The Quiet Girl 
You NEVER hear this girl talk, in fact you question whether she can in fact talk or even has a tongue.  When she eventually gets up to do her speech in class in the 2nd semester, its a shock to everyone to hear that she sounded nothing like what you imagined.   This girl probably masquerades as a superhero on weekends. 

The Cell Phone Guy
Self explanatory, frequents all walks of life and is joined at the hip to his trendy mobile device.

The Challenger 
Challenges every point made in class. Just like the doomed space shuttle, when something goes wrong, he blows up. Tiresome.

The Feminazi 
Hates all men - an advocate for female equality and usually a lezzy.

The Born Again and Again and Again Christian 
This subject can be either male or female.  They usually stand outside right before every class passing out fliers for their religious student center. They make loud stances on Abortion, the Vatican, and the rival denomination known. The fliers make good paper airplanes, but that just doesn't seem to impress anyone, including the teachers.

The Over Achiever 
We all know this one. The one who bursts into tears when she get 98% on her exam.  

The Really Nice Girl 
Patient, tolerant, open, sympathetic and friendly, they seem to have the saintly qualities of Mother Teresa. They are available to talk at any time, about anything, they are incapable of anger or frustration, to the point that their warmth and patience seems over-done and dripping in fucking honey. At times they can seem to be "too perfect", but you can't help admire the effort they make for others. Annoying.

The Environmental Protester
Global warming, saving whales, caging animals, keeping the world "green", globalisation. An environmental fanatic, this vegan has been to every protest held within the last ten years. Their stationery is covered with the classic "Meat is MURDER", "No More Nukes", "Greenpeace" and "Save the Whales" stickers. They converse mainly with like-minded types, and mostly about "the rape of the planet". More than likely, this individual will own and use a motor vehicle and shop at multinationally owned stores, and will preach their green gospel to anyone who'll give them the time of day.

The Under Achiever 
You gotta love this bloke.  He always sits in the very VERY back of every class, riding his chair, picking his nose and appears to be zoned out the whole time.  He doesn't really give a rats arse about anything or anyone.  Pothead.

The Apathetic Upperclassmen 
The types usually travel in pairs, two seniors or juniors who just want to pass with a D and proceed to cut up for a large amount of the class.

The Horny Pair 
This girlfriend and boyfriend always sit together, smooch behind the trees at break and in class the guy sits right behind the girl and the guy proceeds to poke and tickle the giggling girlfriend during the whole class. 

The Intruder 
The guy that sits next to The Horny Pair and attempts to get in on the action. This guy's usually a complete loser with a boner and has the biggest collect of porn Eva!

The Zealot 
This guy has an intellectual orgasm every time he catches the professor in a slight mistake. He takes the class way too seriously - as if he'll get crucified if he doesn't get an A. He thinks he's already a Chemical Engineer in 4300 Calculus when he's probably just majoring in Communication and he's in standard grade maths

The Homosexual 
Simple enough.  However, there are two kinds. One keeps to himself (usually still closeted), the other attempts to use the class as a platform to propagate his homosexuality and such.

The Lesbian 
Same as The Homosexual, but creepier.

The Lesbian Couple 
Every school boy's dream.

The Homosexual Couple 
Every dude's nightmare.

The Future Attorney 
Argues every point made in class to the point where everyone starts throwing books at him and screams at him to "Shut the Fuck up"

The Addict 
Starts fidgeting and shaking, usually for cigarettes but sometimes for harder drugs, halfway through class.

The Retro Jock 
This guy wears his high school rugby jacket to every class everyday, even in 35 Degree weather; can't seem to let go of high school.

Drama Queen 
This girls hero is Liza Manelli and aspires to be on Broadway someday; Auditions for every school play and lands every lead role but never realises there's no one in the audience except her family. She speaks with a fake posh accent and in a melodramatic, emphatic voice, hoping a Theater King (who doesn't exist) will notice her.

The Beauty Queen 
This barbie look-alike walks, talks, acts and dresses like a floozie, without concern for rain nor temperature. Can be cool in winter weather because the cold makes her nipples stand at attention, which all the boys love.

The Guy Who Just Woke Up and Rolled Out of Bed 
Always late to class in the clothes he wore last night. Sleeps through the class and drools on the desks.

The Creepy Guy 
This guy has always struggled for friends in spite of his endless efforts to make them. Any notice you take of him is something he gladly looks for, and if you show even the slightest recognition of his presence, you will automatically be identified as a friend, with a view to being a best friend. He appears desperate and undertakes to find a friend who'll abide his "clingy" nature.

The Guy You Love To Hate 
There doesn't seem to be any identifiable reason why you dislike this guy, but he seems to possess an aura, a quality about himself that you can't stand. Despite your efforts to rationalise your dislike this guy, and a brief attempt to even LIKE him, you find yourself repulsed by some unseen force. This guy is mocked and teased by everyone behind his back, a pariah that you pity, but only from a distance.

The Debater 
This character is annoying at best. A fucking know-it-all.  They will involve themselves in an argument with anyone about anything until they feel they've either won a point, or until their opposition concedes, either out of boredom or yield to their undying argumentative energy. They tire me out.

Attention Whores 
They're one of the few cases in which the male version is worse than the female.

On Edge Dude 
This is the bloke that always comes racing into class just as it's about to begin, sweating like he's just run a fucking marathon. He sits through the whole class with one leg bobbing up and down like he can't wait for class to be over with.  He bolts right as class ends. On Edge Dude is the guy who is always described by others like this: "I don't know anything about that guy, but he's really weird". On Edge Dude probably is a serial killer.

Stress Girl 
Ye know this kind.. Overstresses on every homework assignment to the point of insanity.

The Pimp Masta
This character thinks school is only for picking up bitches. The good news: He'll be gone by next term. The bad news: Some other idiot with the same idea will replace him.

The Sheltered Child 
This is the one whose parents didn't want them exposed to any bad stuff. They've never gotten drunk, or high, or had sex and frankly they don't want to because they've been brainwashed into believing its wrong on every single level. They are also the ones who inevitably end up drunk, dead or knocked up at a fraternity party.

The Fat Girl
The chubby lass who is shy and blushes every shade of pink and red when the boys look in her general direction.  She tries desperately to be invisible but secretly wishes everyone knew her name.

The Athlete
The guy who is the captain of every track and field event and trains everyday after school because he doesn't want to go home.  Loves cheerleaders in short skirts.

Social Networkers
Those damn girls that jump on their cell phone the second the bell rings. You step out the door from class and these girls are Tweeting to their boyfriend that they love so very much, who is probably with another girl from Facebook anyway.

What type were you?

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